I remember stepping off that plane, wide-eyed and ready to take Japan by storm. Or, at the very least, survive without embarrassing myself too much.

Spoiler alert: I failed.

There’s something about moving to a new country that humbles you real quick. Especially a place like Japan, where even the ATM machines seem to be judging you for not knowing what the hell you’re doing. Back then, I had no roadmap, no guide, no blueprint—just vibes and a one-way ticket. Now, after twenty years of trial, error, and enough cultural mishaps to fill a book (three, actually, so far...), here are some things I wish I could’ve whispered in past-me’s ear before he confidently strolled into this country like he had a clue.

1. The Honeymoon Phase is Real… But It Ends.

At first, everything about Japan felt like a dream. The food? Heaven. The politeness? Unbelievable. The w̶o̶m̶e̶n̶ people? Wonderful. I was enamored. But then, one day, Japan stopped feeling like a theme park and started feeling like… life. The thrill of “Wow, I’m in Japan!” slowly gave way to “Why the hell am I still here? Am I some kind of psychological masochist?”  The initial rush wore off, and the reality of living here—not just visiting—started to set in. And that’s when the real learning began.

2. Your Japanese Needs More Than Survival Mode.

Early on, I thought I had the essentials down. “Sumimasen” (Excuse me). “Daijoubu” (I’m good). “Nama biru kudasai” (Get this mental patient 500 CCs of Asahi, STAT!) What else did a man really need?

Turns out, a lot.

Like how to negotiate rent. How to explain to a doctor that my stomach was staging a rebellion. How to recognize when a Japanese person is politely telling me “hell no” without actually saying it. If I had taken Japanese seriously from the jump, I could’ve saved myself years of misunderstandings and a truly ridiculous number of accidental convenience store purchases. One painful memory in particular of biting into a natto onigiri (fermented bean-filled rice ball)

Ewww... But I hear (all too regularly) of its health benefits...

3. Being Different Ain’t a Superpower—But It’s Not a Curse Either.

As a so-called Black man in Japan, I learned real quick that I was never going to blend in. Ever. I’d walk into a room, and heads would turn or take evasive action. Kids would point and giggle or cringe. Old folks would hit me with the hardest side-eye, like I personally crashed their favorite NHK drama.

At first, I was hyper-aware of it. Then, I tried to ignore it. Eventually, I just owned it. Japan has its quirks, and being foreign—especially visibly foreign—means you’re always going to stand out. Always. Period. Exclamation point. But once I managed to stop stressing about it — and that took some doing — life got a lot smoother.

4. Japan Ain’t Gonna Change for You—But You’ll Change for Japan.

When I first got here, I figured I’d do things my way. The Brooklyn way. The “Why would I respect people who clearly don't respect me?” way.

Then, one day, I realized I had a decision to make. Either I had to redraw my boundaries or vacate the premises because Japan wasn't about to shift to accommodate me. My Japanese wife helped a lot with my coming to this realization, because, believe me, Miki put it plainer than Malcolm X. She don't play...which is why I married her in the first place. Over time, I began to see things differently, and I adjusted to accommodate Japan. You know how they say, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do"? Well, they make that sound voluntary, don't they? And maybe it is...if you're a tourist. But, when you're immersed in a culture, day after day, it affects you whether you welcome it or not. You start doing as the Romans do, even when you didn't intend to. You change. And honestly? It wasn’t a bad thing. Some of these little cultural shifts actually made me better.

Except for this constant "sumimasen-ing" (apologizing) thing. That one still hurts my Brooklyn soul.

5. Friends Will Make or Break Your Experience.

I thought I could do this whole Japan thing solo. Independence, right? Lone wolf, master of my own fate. All that good stuff. Yeah, nah, not so much. That got real lonely real fast.

Japan can be isolating if you let it. Finding your people—whether they’re fellow expats, Japanese friends, or a mix of both—is what keeps you sane. The best experiences I’ve had here weren’t because of Japan itself but because of the people I shared them with. If I could go back, I’d tell myself: Make real connections sooner.

Final Thoughts

If I could sit down with 2004-Baye, fresh off that plane, I’d tell him:

A one-way ticket? Are you mad??

(Just kiddin', kinda...)

But, seriously, I'd say:

“Bruh… pace yourself. Laugh at the missteps. Learn the language. Find your tribe. Write a whole lot more and a whole lot sooner. And don’t stress about standing out—you were never built to blend in anyway.”

Two decades later, I still don’t have Japan all figured out. But that’s part of what keeps this country, and life, interesting.

What’s something you wish you knew before moving abroad? Let me know in the comments.

PS: If you dare, check out a couple of the best books ever written about life in Japan for the expat!